Surviving a Break Up
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By Caird Urquhart

Have you ever been dumped? It sucks, right? The rejection alone, even if you didn’t really care about the situation can really hurt. Whether you’ve been with your significant other for a few weeks, months or years, a break up can be traumatizing. So, how can one survive and truly recover from a break up?

First off, recognize the red flags and signs of a toxic relationship in your personal and/or professional life:

  1. Bullying – Is the relationship being driven by fear?
  2. Control – Do you feel that the other person has a need to control you?
  3. Addiction – Does your partner or boss have a substance abuse issue?
  4. Co-dependency – Are you excessively pre-occupied with the other person’s needs while paying little attention to your own?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be involved in a toxic relationship.

Second, how do you let that person/relationship go and move on?

  1. Seek professional help – ending a relationship can be a very emotionally trying process. You don’t need to do it on your own. There are many good therapists and coaches available to help you sort through your situation.
  2. Break the habit – often what we perceive to be something we need is actually just a habit. We get comfortable, even if it’s a bad situation. Start one day at a time replacing old patterns with new more enjoyable ones. Soon you will have recreated your habits to serve you better.
  3. Don’t ask – once you have ended the relationship, don’t ask about what the other person is doing. You do not need to know.
  4. Remove all evidence – the relationship is over, so the stuff should be gone too. If you aren’t ready to part with everything, put it away in a place you won’t be tempted to visit. You don’t need visual reminders.
  5. Spend time with people who don’t know your story – this is a good time to be around new people. If they don’t know you, they won’t be asking about your old relationship. You will also be introducing yourself to new contacts and experiences.
  6. Grief team – whether it is your choice or not to step out of a relationship it is important to have support. Put together a team. That way you will have different people to speak with on different days so you won’t be wearing out one person with your story.
  7. Embrace change – when we hang on to the course of our lives too tightly, that is when we feel pain the most. Embrace change and enjoy all the possibilities that come with it.

Caird shares more empowering tips in her book: “30 Ways to Better Days: How To Rally After You’ve Been Dumped” – the quintessential guide book that will truly help anyone going through heart break, heart ache and traumatic loss, to rally and take the power back.

Caird Urquhart is the author of 30 Ways to Better Days…How to Rally After You’ve Been Dumped, a self-help book aimed at women who have just gone through a relationship breakup.
By Caird Urquhart

Have you ever been dumped? It sucks, right? The rejection alone, even if you didn’t really care about the situation can really hurt. Whether you’ve been with your significant other for a few weeks, months or years, a break up can be traumatizing. So, how can one survive and truly recover from a break up?

First off, recognize the red flags and signs of a toxic relationship in your personal and/or professional life:

  1. Bullying – Is the relationship being driven by fear?
  2. Control – Do you feel that the other person has a need to control you?
  3. Addiction – Does your partner or boss have a substance abuse issue?
  4. Co-dependency – Are you excessively pre-occupied with the other person’s needs while paying little attention to your own?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be involved in a toxic relationship.

Second, how do you let that person/relationship go and move on?

  1. Seek professional help – ending a relationship can be a very emotionally trying process. You don’t need to do it on your own. There are many good therapists and coaches available to help you sort through your situation.
  2. Break the habit – often what we perceive to be something we need is actually just a habit. We get comfortable, even if it’s a bad situation. Start one day at a time replacing old patterns with new more enjoyable ones. Soon you will have recreated your habits to serve you better.
  3. Don’t ask – once you have ended the relationship, don’t ask about what the other person is doing. You do not need to know.
  4. Remove all evidence – the relationship is over, so the stuff should be gone too. If you aren’t ready to part with everything, put it away in a place you won’t be tempted to visit. You don’t need visual reminders.
  5. Spend time with people who don’t know your story – this is a good time to be around new people. If they don’t know you, they won’t be asking about your old relationship. You will also be introducing yourself to new contacts and experiences.
  6. Grief team – whether it is your choice or not to step out of a relationship it is important to have support. Put together a team. That way you will have different people to speak with on different days so you won’t be wearing out one person with your story.
  7. Embrace change – when we hang on to the course of our lives too tightly, that is when we feel pain the most. Embrace change and enjoy all the possibilities that come with it.

Caird shares more empowering tips in her book: “30 Ways to Better Days: How To Rally After You’ve Been Dumped” – the quintessential guide book that will truly help anyone going through heart break, heart ache and traumatic loss, to rally and take the power back.

Caird Urquhart is the author of 30 Ways to Better Days…How to Rally After You’ve Been Dumped, a self-help book aimed at women who have just gone through a relationship breakup.

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