Nowhere Near Normal ~ A Memoir of OCD, by Traci Foust

Reviewed by Barbara Petty

 

Mental illness is still profoundly misunderstood. In spite of medical research that shows that this condition, by and large, is very much treatable with medication and therapy, it is still maligned.

I know. My sister was psychotic and suffered from schizophrenia and manic depression for the past three years of her life. Fear and misunderstanding practically paralyzed my family, and as a result, Linda did not receive the appropriate observation and long-term treatment she needed.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), although not as debilitating as schizophrenia, was misdiagnosed for years, and sufferers were stereotyped as “retarded” or “special needs” individuals. Such is the case of our author.

As defined by The Mayo Clinic website:

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). With obsessive-compulsive disorder, you may realize that your obsessions aren’t reasonable, and you may try to ignore them or stop them. But that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts in an effort to ease your stressful feelings.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder often centers around themes, such as a fear of getting contaminated by germs. To ease your contamination fears, you may compulsively wash your hands until they’re sore and chapped. Despite your efforts, thoughts of obsessive-compulsive behavior keep coming back. This leads to more ritualistic behavior — and a vicious cycle that’s characteristic of OCD.

What is so unique, fascinating, and on occasion funny, about Nowhere Near Normal is that the author, Traci Foust, takes us inside the mind of an OCD sufferer. How she perceives her anxieties – and acts on them – is described in exacting detail. Here is an excerpt from the book when the mother informs seven-year-old Traci and her two siblings that they are moving out of the “Dad’s” house:

“There would be no more of my dad in a tizzy if I wanted to spray the doorknobs with Lysol and no more of him saying I wasn’t talking like a person who is right should be talking just because I tried to educate him on lurking microbes when I told him about a movie we watched in health class on the importance of hand washing and hygienic food storage, and how bathroom germs can sometimes turn into a squiggly cartoon man in a derby hat and walks with a briefcase right into your nose, where he will later decide to move into your lungs, where he will later laugh heartily and give a thumbs-up while you lie in a hospital bed with an expression that is also squiggly to indicate you are feverish/confused/guilty about not wrapping up the bologna.”

See what I mean?

No one in Traci’s family had any idea how to deal with her, but finally out of desperation her mother takes her to a counselor who beings to help Traci process her feelings with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Unfortunately the introduction of medications (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety drugs) was not included in the therapy until Traci was in her late teens. She, however, learned to self medicate with Nyquil, Benadryl and vodka for years prior to that. She also nearly killed a friend, became a run-away and ended up in a poetry-hippy community in Northern California, and struggled with relationships… male and female.

Although footnoted with reference material and a Q&A section, the book reads more like a novel/biography, and I found it difficult to put down. Laypeople as well as professional therapists would do well to read Nowhere Near Normal to experience OCD from the outside-in. There is no cure for OCD, only management of the symptoms. There is no fairy-tale happy ending here either, but there is some resolution, understanding, and a willingness to work on a lifelong illness.

Barbara Petty is the owner and publisher of Boom! Magazine.