Give the Gift Worth Returning…Expressing Your Final Wishes!
December 2005

Many will wish you a happy holiday season filled with all of your wishes coming true and of course good health. Wishes – defined as an expression of a desire or longing for something. Having your wishes respected is a lot less taxing when you take the time to let it be known when relating to your choice of final burial arrangements.

Making last minute decisions due to an immediate need of a burial for a loved one can be difficult when there have been no wishes recorded. As a NC State Licensed Cemetery Director, I have assisted when there have been no pre-plans made and I have assisted when everything had been taken care of ahead of time.

The difference in the demeanor of the family making arrangements when no preparations had been selected, or the family meeting with me when everything had been taken care of through expressed wishes is exceptionally noteworthy. 

In my profession, I have a difficult responsibility to assist families on a pre-need basis by meeting with each to provide an overview of our cemetery, our pre-need options, and to answer any questions that the family may have. Pre-need options are geared at freezing the cost of the items needed to provide a burial for their loved ones.

What saddens me most is the hundreds of families I will never have a chance to call and assist before a death actually occurs. Those families must endure making the final arrangements of a loved one unprepared, unfamiliar with the steps involved, and emotionally distraught knowing that there is not an opportunity to turn to that loved one to ask his or her wishes. When is the last time that you received a call from your local cemetery requesting a visit to better explain their services?  In most cases the answer will be never. It is rare for us to reach every person. Perhaps we called at a moment not so convenient, so the call was abruptly ended without giving it a second thought.

 A call from us offers a rare glimpse into a subject most turn away from until it is too late. Taking the time to listen and better understand a subject most are unfamiliar with is an opportunity worth accepting.

When we do call you, understand we do so because we believe in our services. Each family pre-plans by stopping inflation, having choice selection, guaranteeing the decision is made together, ensuring your children will be eliminated from having to decide for you, and most importantly, your wishes will be honored.

The next time the phone rings and it is your local cemeterian, give us an opportunity to do what we do best. We are North Carolina State Cemetery Licensed Family Advocates at your service. Because of what we see through our eyes, hear through our ears, and feel in our hearts when assisting a family when no pre-plans have been made when the death occurs, we have a strong conviction to make a difference by reaching out to assist in pre-planning. 

All right you say, “Enough with the forewarnings and what ifs…now what?  What can I do to look into my options ahead of time? If I pre-plan as you mention, can I really save money and is it true what I have heard that cemetery arrangements double every eight to ten years? Will my wishes be honored if I do pre-plan?”  Great questions and even more reason to contact your cemetery of choice to learn of your pre-need options. In most cases, everyone is pre-approved regardless of finances or health concerns.

There is no obligation or pressure when meeting with a Family Advocate to learn of your pre-need options. Knowledge is the strength to a better understanding and preparing is a gift worth accepting. If you do pre-plan, know without a doubt at some point there will come a day when knowing your wishes will be appreciated by your loved ones. After all, you are worth it…and so is your family.

Submitted by Terilyn C. de Marci, founder of Wake Memorial Park in Cary. The number is 919.465.0888